i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
