actually, I'm a sock model
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
