My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
