So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
