Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
