My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
