another moral hangover. fuck.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
