remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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