Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"

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(404): View more from Georgia

Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.

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(229): View more from Georgia

It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.

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(281): View more from Texas

Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.

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(516): View more from New York

I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...

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(773): View more from Illinois

I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.

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(256): View more from Alabama

It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??

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(817): View more from Texas

Hey do you remember me?

(903): View more from Texas

You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?

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(303): View more from Colorado

to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me

(1-303): View more from Colorado

WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT

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