I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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