whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
