hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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