It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
