I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
