I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
