Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
