Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't notice because vodka
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
