I met the friendliest cop last night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
