The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
