This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
