I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
