I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
