Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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