I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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