Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
