I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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