Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
