Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
