why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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