I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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