If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
