Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i dont even know how to be here
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
