The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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