I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
