even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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