Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
