I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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