super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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