So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
