I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
