I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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