I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
