know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
