I skipped work to stalk him.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
