the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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