I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
