its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
