Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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