if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm both gender and math confused
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
