Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
