I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
