i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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