good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
