home. puking in laundry basket.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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