I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
