Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
