What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
