I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
