I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
