I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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