So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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