Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
