he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
