were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
