he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
