i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
