Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
