I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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