I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
