I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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