he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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