You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So many bounce houses so little time
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
