Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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